I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Say something about gay babies.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
