You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
