He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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