Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
