Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
