I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
