I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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