i already hear my dad disowning me
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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