Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
