Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
