I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
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I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
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WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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