The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
