Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
