I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
