I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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