remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
