Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
