your room smells of hookers.
And success
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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