just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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