She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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