I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
