Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
