i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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