And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We had to coat check the pizza.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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