we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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