Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
