haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
