I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
