i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
