I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
