It's Friday. Sex?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
