Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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