I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
