you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
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The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
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I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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