Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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