JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Randomize
