Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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