Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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