it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
