He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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