I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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