After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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