Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
wow bdsm is so cute
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
