I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
