I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
