Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
