Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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