i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Barsexuality is the new black.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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