I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
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You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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