"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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