a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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