I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
