I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
