I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
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